“Mama, I want to be as thin as an actress,” my 5-year-old child said to me as she pushed away a piece of chocolate cake.
I looked at her and realized this was my fault.
I’ve always been saying, “I’m fat!” I’ve cursed my grandmother and mother for giving me genes that never helped me lose weight. I wasn’t naturally thin or tall. I didn’t have a great metabolism that burned everything I ate. I smelt food and it went to my hips. I have been working out an hour a day since I was 12 and I’ve never been my ideal weight. I’ve coursed through magazines hoping and wishing that when I went to sleep I would magically wake up and be thin. Moreover, this huge issue of not being slim and always being fat was now foretelling on my child. What had I done?!
To be fair, it’s not all my fault. It is a curse of the modern age where everything thin is meant to be beautiful. There are no fat actresses that Indian girls can look up to. There are no voluptuous women on magazines that housewives can emulate. It’s all about having flat tummies and perfect hourglass figures.
That’s why we’ll see women slogging it off in gyms, dance classes, and joining weight loss programs that will hamper not only their bodies but affect their minds. Because being on a “diet” just to have a flat tummy will make you depressed. You will soon start craving the very thing that you have pushed away. You will hate yourself and your life for not eating. Your body will start losing weight but your mind will make you cranky, irritable and a terrible human being. For what? To get approval from a society that thinks that slim is beautiful.
As modern age women, we need to make a choice and just get off that stupid scale!
Your beauty does not lie around your hips. It is not defined if you have a double chin or not. It’s not in the flabby arms that you stuff into black full sleeve shirts because you’re embarrassed by them. Your beauty lies in your face, your heart, and your behavior. Are you a good mother? Are you a great wife? Aren’t you an amazing colleague? You’re most definitely a great girlfriend. And you’re splendid as a daughter. So why are you judging yourself through the eyes of a magazine where you need to be size zero? And why are you propagating that myth with other women as you gossip about women who are plump?
“Oh you’ve lost weight. You’re looking good.”
“Oh the holiday weight just doesn’t seem to go!”
“This post pregnancy fat is killing me.”
Women meet each other and the first they like to comment on is their weight. Our relationships with each other need to become more evolved. We need to see each other in a new light. Just because weight is an easy start to a conversation doesn’t mean it should be the first option. Women have great relationships with their girl friends over so many issues. Let’s start talking about them first. Start with a compliment.
“My God, your hair looks so good!”
“That colour makes your eyes look so sultry!”
“Or even, I heard about your new role at the workplace. Congrats! How does it feel?”
Let our relationships not be defined by our weight. Let them progress to something more meaningful. Live by example. Lead by actions. Speak with conviction.
In our personal lives, men make us feel what we want them to feel. Men hardly care if you’re slightly plump. The fattest girls may have the strongest relationships because they’re genuinely happy with themselves and that confidence is what men want to be around. However, if you’re always complaining about not losing/putting on too much weight, they’ll try and “help” by saying you’re not losing or putting on any weight. And that just makes you even more depressed.
Our relationships can’t be labeled by how fat or thin we are. They’re defined by the beauty that lies within us. How much we radiate that inner glow that makes people want to be around us. How you make your partner feel about himself. How you support each other is what makes great relationships. It is the sole reason why people stay in the relationship. Your love, support, understanding, and strength are what draw men, women, and children to you. It hardly has anything to do with if you’re the ideal body weight!
If your partner turns to you and says, “You’re not as thin as her.”
You should reply, “What would you like me to be? Loving and loyal? Or thin?”
We women are a sum of far more experiences in our life than just a number on a scale. Our beauty lies in the fact that we have gone through heartbreak, childbirth, tragedies, joy, and given all of our energy to people to help them. The choices we have made in our life have made us beautiful. Allowing ourselves to be imperfect and accepting the fact that we’re not super models will help us find happiness and peace. Because if the one thing that is not giving you that freedom to live and enjoy life completely is your weight, then you’re doing a disservice to yourself as a human being!
Working out everyday helps, you live a healthier life. It increases your heartbeat, it burns calories, it makes you flexible, it brings the glow on your face, and it makes you feel happy about yourself. In addition, by cutting down on extra calories and refined foods, it helps you improve the quality of your life and prevents you from lifestyle diseases. So go ahead and be healthy. Just don’t deny yourself small treats and the occasional lapse in a workout if your body says so. Live healthy because you want to live longer, not because it will put you on the cover of a magazine. Eat well because you want to set an example, not because you’ll look better on a display picture on a social media site!
Remove your focus from losing weight to doing something for yourself. Get a new haircut. Colour it differently. Wear a brighter shade of lipstick. Get a fitted dress. Experiment with nail polish! Show off a new you that makes you feel confident. Accept yourself from top to toe. Because beauty is what radiates from within you. It will show in the swish of your hips as you walk the gloss of your hair as you toss it back and the curves in your smile as you laugh at life.
I looked at my daughter and picked up a spoon. “How about we share this cake and then we share an apple?” She nodded agreeing with the idea.
I took a bite and replied, “Do you know who I love the most in the world?” She looked up at me. I answered, “You. Because of all the good things you do. No actress will ever be as beautiful as you are. And they might be thin, but you are beautiful because you’re nice. And isn’t it always better to have people around who love you for who you are than just be thin?”
She smiled and nodded. I had finally got through! I would never curse my grandmother and mother for being fat again. Instead, I would thank them for giving me great values and making me take strong choices in the world that made me beautiful!
